ROUGH WATER WOES - -

WANT A LAKESIDE POOL WITH GREAT VIEW - - -

1. MOOR YOUR BAYLINER DECK BOAT WITH STERN TO IN-COMING WAKES & WAVES - - -

2.  WAIT FOR HEAVY BOATING TRAFFIC WEEKEND -

3.  WALLLAAHHH!  LAKE SIDE HOT TUB - - COMPLETE WITH 90 degree LAKE WATER,  MODERATE AMOUNT FLOATING DEBRIS, A FEW POOL TOYS - - GOOD TO GO!

OPEN THE CANOPY AND WE HAVE SHADE!!!

SOOO - THINK YOUR IN THE "RECOVERY" BUSINESS?

SCENARIO - Small car goes in to drink - (see guy standing on car)

STEP 1- CALL IN CRANE TRUCK PLUCK LITTLE CAR OUT OF DRINK - -

STEP 2 - AMOST THERE - BOOM OVER - - -

STEP 3 - OH S***!!!!!!

STEP 4 - O.K. - NO PROB CALL IN BIGGER CRANE TRUCK - -

STEP 5 - O.K. BOYS - CAR IS OUT - GREAT - !

 NOW LETS GET THE OTHER TRUCK OUT - - - -

O.K. - bring her up  - - -WTF!!!

Thanks to  Mike Gillespie - Lake Area History for the link & Picts!!

February 2, 2012 - Did MOTHER NATURE miss the Memo?

ITS NOT NICE TO FOOL MOTHER NATURE - - -  "WINTER" - -  WHAT WINTER?

LAKE OF THE OZARKS,  FEB 2, 2012 - - -  SUNNY,  65 DEGREES

I'M THINK'N WE'RE GONNA PAY FOR THIS!!!

JUST A "LITTLE" MORE POWER!!!

BELIEVE - Thanks SANTA!

On a recent cold weather call - - Our 24 ft X USCG Justice Class TowBoat had a close encounter of the best kind - - It seems that Santa just happened to be making a pre-Christmas test flight near the state park in the Glaize Arm  - his sleigh appeared to be grossly overloaded and there was no doubt he would soon be making an unscheduled water landing - the look of panic in the struggling Reindeer eyes was easily read by our Towboat Captain.  He carefully maneuvered the TowBoat under the slowly descending sleigh and as the runners touched down on the deck of the TowBoat, the Reindeer were able to compose themselves and stay just off the water as the TowBoat supported the heavy sleigh.  Santa said not a word, but looked at our captain with a huge grin and twinkling eye - - He motioned to two panicked elves who were cowering in the back of the sleigh and directed them to offload some objects from the sleigh - - Twin VERADO 200's were quickly dropped on the deck - - Santa gave the reins a slight tap - looked back and waved as the Reindeer quickly ascended with the now much lighter sleigh - BELIEVE! - MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!

IT'S OVER!!!!!

FALL MADNESS @ THE FUNNY FARM CAME TO A CLOSE ON OCTOBER 31!

NMFH FINAL DAYS PARTY - - THAT'S ME ON THE BOTTOM STEP - -

OH BOY!!! CAN'T WAIT 'TIL THIS HITS THE OZARKS!!!!!!

JETLEV! the NEW PARTY COVE - EXTREME MOBILE WATER CANNON!

Lake of the Ozarks test flights for the new WATER CANNON?

Pirated from BITTER END BLOG - (Thanks RR and BE contributer) 

BUT  - - WAIT - - COULD IT BE -  NO, - SURELY NOT!

Captain Undies???

 - - AND YOU GUYS THOUGHT WE ARE JUST A BUNCH OF MUD - PUPPY HILLBILLIES OUT HERE!!  Once again we lead the way in Ozarks Technology - - - well - sort of - -

This is all YOUR FAULT, I can’t believe you sunk the boat!

ITS ALL YOUR FAULT - -

FROM CAPT RICHARD RODRIGUEZ's, "BITTER END" BLOG via BE reader Laurie Davidson

NO MATTER "WHO'S" FAULT - 

ON LAKE OF THE OZARKS?

BOATING SEASON HAS OPENED - - !!

LAST SUNDAY (3/20/11), Captain Dave Anderson had the honor of getting our first legitimate Boating Season case, which wound up  being a chain reaction of Boating Follies that didn't want to stop - - sorta like a "Train Wreck" - - We had a surprise sunny and 80 plus degree day, SO that means that many of our CABIN FEVER sufferers HAD to get on the water - - Not all were prepared.  MIX a newly purchased boat, out for the first time this year, add a Novice Boater at the helm, throw in a DISTRAUGHT wife, who was ready to immediately give up the family's newest hobby - - "boating", then throw in a DEAD BATTERY, 2 grand kids,  and you have a VERY VOLATILE MIX!  IT WENT KINDA LIKE BELOW:


This should have been a single, simple, at the dock "Jump Start" by vehicle.  Capt Dave arrives at Bridal Cave docks by truck and gets them started, they shove off and "kill" it about 100 yards out (oops!) - - It then turned in to a nightmare which had Capt Dave climbing up and down the bluffs at Bridal Cave carrying a 20 pound "Jump Pack" (which seemed to gain 25 lbs every time he told the story), providing services to this boat 3 separate times over the period of an hour.  Trying to catch them as the wind blew them toward shore, the "boater's" attempt to throw a 6 ft line and think it will reach 30 feet!  At one point Dave asked them to throw him a longer line, like the "anchor line" he suggested, the wife threw him the end of the Anchor line, which he caught - - while the "husband" threw the ANCHOR over too! - - - Finally, (with the help of a good sam pontoon boat) Dave was able to capture them and get them started and running a second time at which point they headed for their Condo dock about 3 miles away - - - first going in the wrong direction - - Capt Dave finally makes it back to his truck (where he tipped his 14 year old "guide"who had lead him up and down the bluffs) and heads out to meet them at their dock, retrieve our jump pack and fill out the paper work - - he arrives where they should be, but doesn't see them - - He hears voices several docks away and finds them once again DISABLED - ADRIFT with a stern line wrapped in their prop!! - - As the wind blows them close by a dock, he is able to get a line from them (after telling them to please keep the anchor on board) - and FINALLY Gets them to their home dock and the boat on it's lift and untangled the mooring line from their prop - - YEP - THE SEASON IS OFFICIALLY OPEN!  LESSON LEARNED - - NEVER RESPOND TO ANY CALL WITHOUT A BOAT!!!! - - If this is an "omen" for the 2011 season - - we're in TROUBLE!!

2010 BLOG REVIEW and HIGHLIGHTS

In 2010, this blog racked up over 10,000 visitors with over 22,000 page views.  The total since I began this blog in late December of 2008, is now over 16,200 visitors with over 28,000 page views. Thanks again! To all who stopped by to see what sort of crazy stuff this Mid-West Coast crew is up to.
(2009 highlights can be seen HERE.)


For 2010, there were over 100 posts.  In addition to the Post of December 29, "The Wicked Bitch Burns" (HERE),  I have recalled  four more which I felt were interesting and seemed to be visited the most.  As before, there is no order in these selections, there was no vote -(only mine) and they have no particular meaning other than to take up space on this post - -.


#1 - June 14, 2010 - Knee Deep - Story of a heavily grounded cruiser in the Gravois Arm.


#2  - Back In Time (Again), The Lost Lands - June 26, this story (with some basis on fact) tells the tale of one of our adventures in to the "upper" regions of the Lake - - somewhat "tongue-in-cheek"  it is a "reality check" for those of you who dare to venture beyond the 40 mile mark - - - - -  :-0


#3 - Yes - I'll Have One"On the Rocks" - - This post on July 6, had a huge number of "hits" and contained NO significant commentary - -(there's a clue there for the writer), it is included because it appeared to draw large interest - - - -?


#4 - 2000 BAJA 38 SPECIAL BURNS  - This post on August 1st is our "Cover" shot and was the second of two spectacular boat fires we assisted on last summer.  Along with news coverage, this story and photo's received a huge  number of "hits" and  were among the local "Top Ten" stories of the area.

LETS HAVE A SAFE 2011 BOATING SEASON, TAKE A CLASS, AND PLEASE WEAR YOUR PFD!

ONCE UPON A MIDNIGHT CLEAR - -

ONE CHRISTMAS EVE UPON OUR LAKE - - 

IT WAS FEARED SANTAʼS TIRED REINDEER, 

COULD NOT THE CROSSING MAKE - 

 WHEN, OUT OF THE NIGHT CAME OUR HERO, STEADFAST AND TRUE - 

LEADING SANTAʼS REINDEER, ACROSS THE LAKE HE FLEW! 

HE GUIDED THEM STRAIGHT THRU THE NIGHT, OVER LAKE OZARK AND LINN 

CREEK, CROSSING THE WATER, SHOWING NO FRIGHT 

WHO IS THIS WINGED WARRIOR WHO FIGHTS FOR TRUTH JUSTICE AND 

MARITIME SAFETY? 

DISGUISED AS MILD MANNER TOWBOAT CAPTAIN JOHNSON BY DAY, AND, WHO 

NEVER WORKS ON SUNDAYS! 

LOOK, - UP IN THE SKY! 

IT'S CAPTAIN UNDIES!! 

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!

WE NEED A HERO - -? - CAPTAIN "UNDIES" ?

Not that anyone cares, but I have been out of circulation for awhile - and have fallen miserably behind in making any posts - - primarily due to my extended absence (Mid September thru Mid November) working at the farm (often referred to as the "Funny Farm") - - .  First, I want to thank the steadfast & stalwart crew who kept things running smoothly here at the lake while I was away; Captain's Delton Jones, Dwayne Johnson and Dave Anderson along with Captain Tim McNitt of Atlantis Dive - -.  They ran over 50 cases during this time (compared to 33 cases in 2009 over the same period) and had no major problems - - with the exception of burning up the port engine on the 24ft Whaler - - due to faulty part, luckily, the motor was fully covered under warranty - -.  Most of their cases were fairly routine, typical breakdowns, out of fuel and dead batteries.  Their biggest drawback, was that NONE of them managed to photograph ANY of their cases - - which means I have to use a little imagination in describing their accomplishments  - - -  :)  Captain's Jones and Johnson did have a couple of "Soft Groundings" one of which was routine - - the other not so much - - On October 15, 2010, Capt Johnson was dispatched to the 77 mile mark to re-float a grounded 30 ft Boston Whaler, (we often refer to cases up there as The Lost Lands - - see June post Back in Time)  Johnson departed knowing full well that strange things happen up there, but he headed out on the 120 mile roundtrip without hesitation  -.  After dodging numerous "mud flats" and keeping a sharp lookout for any sign of pending danger - - remember,  he claims to have been abducted by aliens up there several years ago - - (still has that pesky rash)  - - He arrives safely on scene to find the "whaler" smartly parked in the mud, some 75 yards from his closest possible location - - he was faced with a bit of a dilemma - - he had to get a line to the vessel - - the weather, though not bad was still a bit chilly and he was not looking forward making the 3 hour trip back in wet clothing - - what to do?  Putting modesty aside - he began to strip down to his "undies" - - while doing so, a strange feeling came over him, - at first he thought it might be the "aliens" trying to re-capture him, but he had on his "tin foil" hat and was sure they couldn't track him -  - suddenly he felt a strange sense of great strength, coupled with the feeling "he could fly"!  (Apparently the "LOST LAND" rumors are true)!  CAPTAIN JOHNSON suddenly morphed in to "CAPTAIN UNDIES"!  THE GREAT PROTECTOR OF WAYWARD, LOST and GROUNDED MARINERS!   Yes, our hero, to the amazement of the couple on board the stranded vessel, effortlessly flew the towline to the vessel with great fanfare - - !  Yes it is true, though we have no photographic proof of this strange event, the two witnesses on the stranded boat provided us with some detail and the woman passenger was able to describe CAPTAIN UNDIES in great detail to our artist who has provided a rendering:

CAPTAIN "UNDIES"

STAY TUNED FOR MORE ADVENTURES OF "CAPTAIN UNDIES" AND THE LOST LANDS!  :)

TEACHING YOUR "DROID" TO SWIM - - - HST'S and more - -

Well, when you work on the water and have a cell phone - - - ultimately  - the WATER shall prevail - - Remember a few short posts back when I was learning how to answer my new "smart phone" -  well I learned they are not so "smart" after all - - - they can't swim - - that's right - last Saturday night, my "smart phone" failed the "float test" miserably and plummeted 34 ft to bottom of the "murky depths".  The first "phone" I have sent to Davy Jones's Locker in 10 years - - lots of other stuff, but not a phone - -.  I figure "this is great", first I can't answer the thing and now it drowns on me - - - -.  At 10:30 p.m., we call Tim McNitt, our trusty diver from ATLANTIS DIVE, I show him where the phone took its last gasp and in he went - bounced right back up with phone in hand! - The bloody thing was still lit up - - that's why he found it so fast!!  He said he had never brought up a phone that was still on before! - -  we grab the phone, pull the battery and the "sim" card and put it in a spare phone that Captain Jones had so our number was still up and running.  I figure the phone is "TOAST", but just for grins, I get it home, blow it out with canned computer air and put it in a large "Zip-Lock" bag of Minute Rice - 12 hours later, I tried the phone to see if it would come up - - to my surprise, it lit up and acted like it wanted to run, but it kept kicking off - - I put it back in the bag of rice, pretty much figured it was a goner, - but  - what the heck.  Twenty-four hours later, I open the bag, blow the phone off, power it up and WALLLAH - - - it comes up with all systems go and has been working like a charm!!! - -  Maybe it really is a SMART PHONE - - :)

It hasn't just been all FUN & GAMES for us here, the past several weeks - - we had a record month for boat calls in July and August seems to headed for a record as well - - we have also had near record HEAT AND HUMIDITY the past several weeks as well - - making for some pretty miserable runs - -.

On the string,  A nice 40 ft Chris Craft, early morning 8 mile tow

Beating the late afternoon heat with a 18ft Sea Ray in a 16 mile HST 

BUSH WACKED? - WELL - - NOT QUITE?

THE POST I MADE EARLIER (DELETED)  MAY HAVE BEEN ONLY PARTIALLY TRUE - - THE PICTURES ARE APPARENTLY NOT FROM THE INCIDENT DESCRIBED IN THE API NEWS FEATURE

I STAND CORRECTED BY CHRIS (In comment section on previous post)
Re-printed here - -

"I don't believe that’s the Bush boat. His was just stuck on the beach, didn't make it up shore. Also his boat has what to appears to be a Raymarine Radome, vs this one’s Furuno open array. Also the Presidents boat appears to have Merc Verado engines.

Chris
THANKS CHRIS - - MY BAD - - STILL SOME OF THE SAME QUESTIONS APPLY - - -?

WHAT A TOWBOAT COMPANY PRAYS FOR WHEN THINGS ARE SLOW -

SURE WISH WE HAD A JOB - - - - -



Thanks to BITTEREND Blog, Capt RR

Ozarks Boat Trailer - BUBBA TEST -:)

NOW THAT ALMOST QUALIFIES FOR A SUPER-BOWL AD!

Thanks to BITTEREND Blog, Capt RR

2009 Blog Review and Highlights

In 2009, this blog had the privilege of having over 6,300 visitors with over 12,000 page views.  Having just started in late December of 2008, I was pleased and want to thank all who stopped by for a peek and of course all of you who might be so bored that you feel compelled to follow the ramblings of a somewhat deranged Towboat Captain on the "Mid-West Coast".

There were a total of 99 posts in 2009 and I recalled the top four which I felt were the most fun for me and seemed to be visited the most.  There is no order in these selections, there was no vote - (only mine) and they have no particular meaning other than to take up space on this post - -.


#1 - January 18 - Classic Lady - - Down  A story about the sinking and loss of a Classic Chris Craft cruiser

#2 - May 2 - BUI- Boating Under the Influence - Recipe for Arrest - This somewhat "tongue in cheek" story kicked off our BUI tows for the season which turned out to be quite numerous.

#3 - May 25 - Be Careful What You wish For! - This really fun story, which actually had its roots in a post back on April 25th (Who you gonna Call - COON BUSTERS)  told the tale and lead to the "movie" about the "removal" of a Raccoon from a boat.  Yup, we don't get out much here in Missouri - - it was also the rise and fall of my brief movie career - -:(  Please hold the applause until the end of the post - -


#4 - July 7 - Negotiation 101 - A Blond Story - This story depicts a typical day for one of our boat captains and details some of the hardships he must endure - - - - - - - -  yeah - right -

THANKS AGAIN - Charlie

From the ICE PACK to the "RAT" PACK

As typical with Missouri,  we experience a RAPID temperature fluctuation, from 9 degrees below "0" and single digits with the lake frozen over, less than a week ago!   Now temperatures getting in to the mid-50's and the Ice is beating a hasty retreat.  To celebrate the end of our "short" "iced in" season, Laura and I decided to host an evening "get together" for our Captains, their families and guests.  We had several desserts, pastries and drinks.  This included a "Rum" cake, small cheesecakes, coffee and "WASSEL" which is a spiced (not "spiked")  heated drink made of Orange Juice, lemon Juice, Apple Cider,  simmered with sugar and a bag of spices containing Cinnamon, Ginger and Cloves;  a tasty and warm drink which blends well with a cold evening.   There was significant Ice still on the lake and NO boating traffic, so NONE of us were on call - - As is the case when you put 5 Towboat Captains together, Sea (lake) stories start rolling out, with one more hilarious than the last - - We have a fair sized house with numerous places to sit - - but the evening was spent standing around the kitchen island next to the dining room.  There also happened to be a large bottle of "RonRico" Silver Label RUM which was used in the "Rum" cake and it was never returned to the cabinet - - - Again - through some mystery - - the RUM found its way in to the "WASSEL" which seemed to lead to MORE stories - - As the evening ran on - it was suggested that we take a "group" picture - - by this time most of the guests and wives, declared there was NO WAY they were going to stand up and be photographed with these guys - - many were still trying to wrap their heads around some of the "Stories" they heard for the first time that evening and may have been having "second" thoughts about what "really" goes on out there - -   so, in the end we are left with only the RAT PACK, grouped together for a PHOTO OP and the end of a fun evening.

PHOTO by Laura:  Back Row, left to right, Captains Charlie Meyer, Dave Anderson, Dwayne Johnson
Front Row, Captains Delton Jones and Tim McNitt

Editors Note:  For those of you who might have a question - NO boater was harmed during this event.
There were designated drivers all around - and a good time was had by all -!!!  (I think) 

YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT YOU MIGHT FIND IN A ICE PACK - -?

Naaaawww - Trapped?  By an unusual "once in a decade" Lake of the Ozarks Ice over -  - could this be the rumored "lake" "ghost"  freighter that many claim to have seen, always at night, and generally after partaking of a liberal amount of "nectar of the gods" - even some have claimed to "swerve" to avoid hitting her - - - -???  or could mother nature, through a long series of cold weather and cabin "fever",  along with the ice bending the sun's light rays and causing us to see things in the recent near blizzard conditions - - - uhhh -- well

We provided assistance to this "mirage" and broke her free,  however to avoid us being picked up by the guys in the "white coats", we have elected to file this case in the "UFO" file (Un-identified FLOATING Object),  - - - maybe it was just a "piece of foam"   - -  Guys back at BOATUS can rest easy - - the "skipper" had not renewed his membership - - - - - - -   :-)

INNOVATION & TECHNOLOGY -?

The current economic climate calls for a constant strive in new and innovative cost cutting measures. Not wanting to be left behind, like our counterparts on the coasts, we are constantly working on ways to provide cost effective services with moderate overhead. Our most recent addition to our fleet was unveiled late last summer during a busy weekend at Party Cove.

Captain Dwayne Johnson can be seen at the helm of our new XBB Towboat (Experimental Basket Boat). Captain Johnson spent months in rigorous training for this assignment and is very proud of his new command. This highly portable and rapidly deployed asset will greatly increase our services here at the lake. (there you have it boys - - once again - Ozark innovation leads the way!)

Ed Note: you can see some other "Ozark" technology here